WTF Weight.

Seriously?

For the past month or so I have been resolved on starting back on the healthy diet train and getting things in gear. Knowing what other pcos ladies have accomplished by removing their weight problem, I feel like I need to give that it's fair shot. And really that's not the only reason. I would look better, feel better, live longer, blah blah blah.

Anyway, for three weeks of the last month I've said "It's totally time to lose weight" but did nothing. So the last week I have actually attempted it. And overall it has felt good. Why is it, that eating better honestly makes my body feel genuinely better yet I still can't remove the urges for all things both naughty and yummy?

So I get on the scale halfway through the week and it's like, 5 pounds down. Now, as serial on and off loser of weight I am used to this. You will almost always lose a nice chunk of water weight right off the bat when watching what you eat. But today, I get back on and 4 of those 5 have returned. Enter irritation.

What pisses me off the most, is that I have done nothing to regain weight. So perhaps I'm bloated? But then, why am I bloated? Also, why is it that with PCOS it feels like you have to question everything? Or is it just that those of us with this crap have an inherent need to drive ourselves to the point of madness?

What's that pain? What's my body doing? When am I going to get my period? Could I be pregnant? Will I ever get pregnant? Why can't this happen to someone else? What is that cramping? Am I going to ovulate?

Good god... there are a million more where that came from. I bet the PCOS community as a whole is a nice segment of what keeps Google in business.

Top 5 Reasons why I hate PCOS.

5. Not knowing how to talk about it.

                Trying to explain PCOS to someone can be torturous, embarrassing, and definitely  awkward. I’m not sure what’s worse, the follow-up questions or the reactions themselves. My personal favorite is, “Oh, I would love to not have periods!”. Really? I’d rather be able to have kids, thanks.

4. But wait, there’s more! PCOS on the internet, a.k.a, here’s some info – now buy something.

                I know I am not alone here. PCOS ladies flock to the internet like a moth to the flame. Whether it’s for support, information, cures, and everything in between. What I have come to hate is that nearly every website you find about PCOS seems to be a sales opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely buy things to try and battle this crap, but the lack of actual awareness and help without some sort of sales pitch is disgusting sometimes.

3. PCOS – The Shrug-it-off Syndrome.

                I was diagnosed at 16, and since then have bounced around Doctor’s. Though this doesn’t apply to every doctor, I feel that many of us have been through the ringer when it comes to getting real medical support. Several times in my experience I have seen a doctor, just to have it shrugged off.  “You need to lose some weight” or “See a dietician” – okay, thanks Doctor Obvious. Glad all that insurance money we pay out really pays off. I’m not saying we should deny some self-accountability here, but I know many of us have left many a doctor’s office without being taken seriously.

2. That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, losing my femininity.

                I know that no PCOS woman is the same. Not every lady has every symptom in the book. But I think we can all collectively agree that all of the symptoms, well, suck. You may only have one or two, or you may have them all. But as women, any single one of these symptoms can really drain our confidence as females. Seriously, consider these one by one:

• Hair loss.
• Hair growth (and we aren’t talking on our pretty little heads here. Faces, chest, back, stomach – or to sum it up – manly places)
• Acne.
• Weight gain (with a side of it seems impossible to lose weight)
• Skin tags (whether it be the dark patches, skin flaps, or patches of oddly textured skin)
• Depression

And my personal favorite….

1.Infertility

This is the one that goes straight for the jugular. Not all women want to have kids. It’s a choice, and one I totally support. Hell, not all PCOS sufferers even have infertility. To those of you that fall into that category. I’m happy for you. I don’t show it well. I don’t show it well to any pregnant woman. It’s selfish, but it’s honest. I don’t wish you or your little one any harm in the world. But as someone who wants that more than anything, and can’t seem to get it, when I see someone pregnant, it’s a reminder to me of what I want and what I don’t have. Am I just jealous? Absolutely. Like, I said, it’s not right, but it’s honest.

For those women with PCOS who want children but aren’t succeeding, it can be the ultimate struggle. I think it’s because as women we feel this inherent need that we should be able to procreate. It’s our natural ability. Sure it takes two to tango, but we are the bearers of new life. We are supposed to be able to do that.

Like I said, I hate PCOS.